Thoughts on the Fountain of Eternal Youth

A life goal of mine is to find the fountain of eternal youth. I don’t see the appeal of aging. If I were to stay young forever I could do everything I want to do in life without fear of time holding me back. An individual with eternal youth could smoke as many cigarettes as they’d want without the adverse health risks ever catching up with them. The individual could work for the tobacco companies and make a fortune being in commercials saying things like “I’m Harrison Simms and I’m 150 years old and I’ve been smoking Marbs since I was fifteen and I’m in the peak mental and physical shape of my life.”

The pursuit of this fountain started in New York City and somehow it took me to Luxembourg, Spain and Morocco before I ended up discovering Bard College at Simon’s Rock. I came to the conclusion that the fountain is clearly here, on this campus. The school was built on top of by the all knowing Simon it to hide it from explorers and Harrison Ford.

If too many people had eternal youth the world would get over populated and it would run out of resources and space pretty quickly. Simon chose to put a school of insane and immoral scholars on top of his beloved fountain because the students and the bizarre things they do would scare away any explorers from looking too hard for where the fountain is buried. 

It’s hard to keep a secret a secret at a small school like Simon’s Rock and it eventually slipped up to the teachers and members of student life that everything they were working on was merely a facade. The school’s staff split into two factions. Half of the staff is devoted to the all knowing Simon and would follow his orders unquestioningly in order to protect the fountain. The other half is out to benefit themselves and are only teaching at Simon’s Rock because their goal, like mine, is to find the fountain and drink from it.

The pursuit of this fountain goes back many years and it explains why parents send their children to Simon’s Rock and return their themselves to teach: to either protect or pursue the fountain. 

Kendrick was recently renovated because it was believed that the fountain could be underneath it. Alas, this was not the case. My gut feeling is that it is buried underneath Dolliver, which explains why everyone knows it is on the campus but nobody has found it yet. Nobody wants to dig underneath Dolliver because it’s such a grimy building. 

Until someone mans up and digs down there, I guess the unicorn population will continue to face extinction for the harvesting of unicorn blood.

an elusive picture of the fountain

Media Studies Blog: Conspiracies & Life As We Know It

Simon’s Rock is a school of 450 students in the middle of nowhere. For each student, the school has been a heaven, a hell and a purgatory at some point over the course of the first semester. Each student has some back-story that makes them unique enough to start college early and some talent that they decided to come to the school to pursue. These students aren’t normal, and they consciously think that they chose to go to the school, but really the school chose them.

I was never big on documenting my conspiracy theories, but over the course of intersession I’ve spent a lot of time in solitary to think about my life as I knew it. I came to the conclusion that before Simon’s Rock, none of us existed. All of us Rockers are really just mice in a maze, being studied by the government.

The government controls most things, including our delusions of our past lives and what we consider the world outside of Simon’s Rock to be. None of us existed Pre-Simon’s Rock, we were all made from various test tubes given implanted memories and personalities so were interesting enough to be monitored.

The government wants to study the interactions between all of us, the students. Simon’s Rock may be all that’s left of the world. When we’re on “Breaks” the government really just puts us back in our test tubes and injects more memories into us, which is why all we want to do is go back to Simon’s Rock. Even the people that are stressed and driven insane by Simon’s Rock, go crazier in “the outside world” because all they want to do is go back. 

Most Simon’s Rock students talk about how much they hated everything about their past lives because it’s hard to have happy thoughts when your body is suspended in a liquid test tube, floating in nothingness waiting to be released back into the natural habitat of Simon’s Rock.

The government is Student Life, falsely thought to be ran by Tom Coote and Bob Graves. Coote and Graves are both just figureheads for the man behind the curtain, the mastermind of this mindfuck experiment, a brilliant genius named Simon. Simon is a Godlike entity who made all the Simon’s Rock students in his own image. 

This conspiracy is well protected, because the small campus would turn into chaos and anarchy if the student’s knew that no outside world existed. Student Life/The Government controls facebook and the internet in it’s entirety, which maintains the illusion that there is a world out there, but there is not. Student Life/The Government controls the phones so they make you think you’ve spoken to a loved one in the outside world, but you have not because the loved ones from your memories never existed given all your memories were planted.

Students that transfer out of Simon’s Rock or study abroad are the food in the cafeteria that you don’t know what it is. When said students come back to visit it is really clones made from test tubes to maintain the illusion that you did not eat your friend.

Most of the Simon’s Rock faculty consists of former Simon’s Rock students that have gotten married and live quiet cheerful lives in Great Barrington because there is no outside world for them to go off to. The faculty has wizened up to the conspiracy and decided to partake in the grand experiment rather then get put back into the dreaded test tubes to be force fed false memories and outside world experiences that cannot compare to actually living.

Simon’s Rock students tend to bump into each other in groups randomly in crowded cities in the “outside world” because when we’re in the test tubes, sometimes our minds interact and our false memories collide and turn into one.

There is 0 cell reception in the Berkshires to reduce students attempting to escape to a world that is not truly there.

The world is not waiting for anything, because it does not exist.

(I encourage you to add thoughts to this to expand on the conspiracy, or share theories of your own)

Intro: Turn and Face the Strange

Hello, 

My name is Dan Catalan and I am finishing my freshman year at Bard College at Simon’s Rock. I’m seventeen years old and I hail from Briarcliff, New York. I play life by ear and I enjoy creative writing. This blog is dedicated to my love of conspiracy theories because the world is weird and there is more going on then we know. 

“Un Ojo Abierto” means one eye open in spanish. We all only really live with one eye opened because we only perceive what is going on around us to such a limited extent. In the David Bowie song, Changes he says “Turn and Face the Strange” and that’s what I am advising you to do today.

Sincerely,

UnOjoAbierto/Dan Catalan

 

I'm the one on the floor. Notice the Strange Child in the background